The difference between ‘a good leader and not so good’ leader is one can shape someone’s confidence, career, emotional wellbeing, and self-worth for years, the other…well…not really.
Many women remember that one exceptional manager who truly changed the atmosphere at work. The kind who was approachable, energetic, fair, emotionally intelligent, and genuinely invested in helping people grow. Someone who encouraged, supported development, noticed potential in others, and created an environment where people felt valued and safe to contribute.
I still remember Florence after 20 years! My first female manager who was kind, compassionate, thoughtful and willing to listen and help when needed. She would alway find time to ask how are you, she would smile and laugh with you, never at you. She would help with training and encourage you to take up a new training or qualification. She was cool.
But not every leadership experience feels like that. Some managers remain emotionally absent, disconnected from their teams, hidden behind office doors. Yes, another female manager, locked in her office, emerging once a day to check if all was ok, while the real support came from senior colleagues trying to hold everything together quietly in the background. That was one of my mentors while I was working with youth services. She was experienced, would get on with her role, help others, made sure the office was running like in a Swiss watch. She was kind, funny and extremely patient.
Others again adopt a completely hands-off approach, offering little guidance while expecting teams to simply “figure things out” alone.
And then there are highly experienced leaders, organised, direct, efficient, respected, the type who keep entire departments functioning under pressure, numbers focused. Strong operationally, but sometimes with little room left for others to progress underneath them. They see numbers before they see a person. There were 3 of them. Three different men in one place. No room for improvement, no training offered, rigid, focused, no BS. It was their way or no way.
Over the years I have met various managers and leaders, different personalities, different approach to work and people they were working with. I have adopted practices which were reflections of some of my role models, some practices I would not want to experience. I have learnt from my mistakes when managing people. I have learnt the hard way to say NO and question the decisions. I was branded difficult and asking too many questions… Women would never say that to you.
The leadership styles you have experienced can affect your future professional choices and your OWN leadership style.
But leadership is not simply about gender. It is about: ✅️self-awareness ✅️emotional intelligence ✅️communication ✅️accountability ✅️and how people feel after interacting with you.
Because people rarely remember every task completed under a manager, they always remember how that leader made them feel. And maybe that is why so many women managers begin questioning:
🎯What kind of leader am I becoming?
🎯Am I creating confidence in people or fear?
🎯Am I developing others or simply managing tasks?
The strongest leaders do not just manage performance. They build people.
Having a good manager is a blessing, having an excellent one can shape your future choices and grow you expediently. A bad one will exhaust you, you will learn nothing and the only way would be the great escape.
Choose wisely who you want to mimic, what strategies in leadership you want to adopt.
As a manager you become an example. What kind of examples you want to give to your team?